Can I see?

The Apprentice - You're Redunderated

OK perhaps that wouldn't make such a good TV show, and maybe I'm the only person in the world who hasn't actually watched The Apprentice, just not sure I could give it the commitment it deserved!! However, it's one of those things that you just seem to know all about it even though you've never ever watched it.

My Alan Sugar moment came back in October. The office of doom announced that they had to cut 1,000 jobs. They did this via the BBC website which is an interesting way to brief your staff. What followed was tons of flapping by 'the management' and hastily arranged briefings to tell us that we were facing redunderation, but we already knew as it had been on the BBC website.

The following weeks were full of gossip and speculation about who would be going and who would be staying. I felt reasonably confident that minions like myself would be so far down the food chain that it would be pointless getting rid of us. It was the head boys and girls who had the most to fear. Countless people kept whispering to me, "you'll be safe they daren't make someone pregnant redundant there is just too much paperwork."

So I felt fairly relaxed about the whole thing. As time drew near to learning our fate I started thinking, will redunderation actually be a good thing for me and baby?? I'd get a payout and most imporatntly I hadn't ever really liked my job or been any good at it, so what's the point in staying.

Reduderation day finally arrived and we all got an e-mail to tell us what time we'd be notified if our job was safe or not. Joking aside it was a terrible day as people learned about their fate. The office atmosphere was gloomy and very quiet as people were waiting the news. My announcement was at 1pm, but I still felt reasonably confident that there wouldn't be anything to be concerned about.

At 1pm my team was taken to a conference room, it's a bit like the bit in X-Factor where the judges split everyone up and let them know if they're through to the next round or not. The Devil's messenger came in and announced that out of the 22 of us in the room only 11 of us had jobs. We would all have to apply and the best 11 would be safe. I was really shocked, a couple of people were in tears at the prospect of losing their job to this kind of lottery. Privately I wondered if they had already chosen their lucky 11 and so this application process was just for show.

A few days later I got to speak to the Headboy and said that I'd thought about applying but had decided to take the redundancy and (most importantly the payout) and not trouble the office ever again. To my utter amazement, Headboy said OK thanks we'll make you redundant, now here's some forms from HR to fill in. So that did stamp on my ego a bit, I thought that they'd try a little bit harder to persuade me to stay on, I mean who else organises the cake sales???!!!

The paperwork arrived from HR and I signed away my paid employment, but then the craziest thing happened, I had to still apply for my old job - that I wasn't going to get. Just to keep all official and was given a 6 page application to complete. I protested, and sulked about it. Why waste my time, you've redunderated me, why go through the complete CHARADE of applying for a job you've released me from??! Well said HR, "procedure is procedure".

So I thought what do I do?? Write "rhubarb rhubarb" on every page, or try my best to write the best ever application so they could see what they would be me missing!!?? Well in the end I did the best thing I could do, and ignored the whole thing. I finished at the office of Doom in November, and to this day, no-one has asked me where my application is. It was a sad but good day. I was given a huge card saying "thanks for organising cake sales" and some lovely clothes for baby. I chucked loads of files in the bin and deleted my entire e-mail inbox. Oh yes it felt good.

So here I am with a fat redundancy cheque, plus maternity allowance and it's to last me the rest of my life!!!! So tempted to buy shoes... Must .... Resist....

My new employment, as mother to baby Pumpkin is a varied role, there isn't a strict dresscode pyjamas most days, the company vehicle is a pram and there aren't any holidays ever. But I wouldn't swap it with the office of doom for just 1 minute.

Labels: job applications, office, redundancy

posted by Pixie @ 8:33 AM